That’s a pretty solid movie if you’re interested in the stock market, by the way.

Anyway, to get back on topic -

I’m completely wrapped up in Seasons 1 and 2 of The Wire right now. I’m not going to oversell it, but… just take my word for it.

If you’re a fan of HBO dramas, or cop shows, or drug dealers, or nicknames… you have to watch it. If you need additional reasons to watch it, see the list below (no spoilers are involved, but you’ll understand them after you watch).

Top 6 Reasons to Watch ‘The Wire’:

6. As Senator Clay Davis said in his inauguration speech… “You ain’t watchin’ The Wire?! Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit!”

5. Because Stringer and Wee-Bey said to! Now quit askin’ questions, or we gonna send Stinkum and Little Man after you!

4. If you don’t, at the next neighborhood picnic you’ll get seated between Little Kevin and Proposition Joe…

3. … or you gotta move in with Bubbles. Your choice.

2. Chris and Snoop are gonna start lookin’ for you, man. That’s all I’m going to say.

and

1. Because Omar’s comin’ to make sure you’re watchin’, yo.

The cheese stands alone… the cheese stands alone…

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Rent it, buy it, whatever. Just watch it. Season 1 is selling on Amazon (link below) for $48. If you don’t want to keep it, sell it on eBay for $40.

Before we go any further, here are the criteria:

1. One dunk does not get you on the list. This means you, Tom Chambers, John Starks, and Kevin Johnson (a T5P1 Best Dunks will eventually get done).

2. Bonus points for being groundbreaking in a meaningful way (i.e. George Mikan, Bob Kurland, and Bill Russell will NOT be on the list).

3. Bonus points for showmanship and personality.

4. Bonus points for leaping ability, mobility, and ferocity.

5. Negative points for lack of career significance - also known as “the Terence Stansbury Rule” or the “Kenny ‘Sky’ Walker Corollary”.

6. Bottom line - the dunkers that most completely answered the question of “who did I anticipate the most, and who made me rewind the most to watch them again?” make the list. That… and the “Holy Crap!” factor.

And since the topic is so important, I’m ranking them in reverse order.

WARNING - the music on many of the videos has F (and N, for that matter) bombs in there.

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THE RFS ALL-TIME BEST DUNKERS
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HONORABLE MENTION / ALSO CONSIDERED:

Clyde “the Glide” Drexler - one of the three smoothest dunkers ever, and the Captain of Phi Slamma Jamma

Darrell Griffith - aka Dr. Dunkenstein

Jackie Jackson - playground legend that could pick quarters off the top of the backboard

Larry Nance - winner of the first NBA dunk contest, casualty of the “showmanship/personality” rule

Terence Stansbury - his performance in the 1987 contest was ridiculous. I can’t prove it, but I’d be willing to bet that he was the first guy to spend more than a couple of hours choreographing and practicing his own dunks. Plus, he has a top-10 dunk of all-time to his credit… but that’s another topic.

Connie Hawkins - playground legend, ABA legend, and one of the three smoothest dunkers ever

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Earl Manigault - “The Goat” was a 6′1″ playground legend that once dunked 36 times in a row behind his head to win a bet. He was also famous for his “double dunk” - he could dunk, pull the ball out, and dunk again before he came down.

Billy Cunningham - “The Kangaroo Kid” could get up.

Spud Webb - The still photos are unreal. Same goes for Nate the Great Robinson.

Gus Johnson - A dunker so powerful that his name was turned into a verb. Alternative usages are:

“Texas A&M gusjohnsoned Grambling last night”,

or

“Did you see Shooter gusjohnson that bottle of whiskey?”

On to the list.

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The Top 5, Plus One:
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My “Plus One” - Michael Jordan - Probably the greatest player ever, MJ’s epic battles with Dominique Wilkins in the early years of the dunk contest established it as a mainstay of All-Star weekend. “Rock the Cradle”, “Kiss the Rim”, and his dunk from the free throw line sold ads on SportsCenter, basketball cards, posters, and God knows what else.

In short, he was exciting, creative, and a showman. I had a hard time putting him this low, but I believe there’s a case to be made for everyone above him. Check out the video:

If anybody figures out what Kelly Tripucka was thinking in the #4 highlight, please email me.

#5 - Shawn Kemp - This is a guy who could have been on the “What Might Have Been Team”. But he had some success. And his performance in the dunk contest was groundbreaking. He’s also the first guy that I remember in the modern era who would dunk hard by flipping it through the net (and not pulling the rim).

I still maintain - as I did at the time - that he should have taken off from at least the free throw line (which I believe he could have) and done his “long jump stride” dunk. Nobody would remember Jordan’s tongue-out, spread-eagle free throw line dunk if he had.

#4 - Vince Carter - To be completely honest, I had him at #2 right up until I had to type this. But I couldn’t do it. Half-man and half-amazing, Vince Carter had creativity, ferocity, and a real career. But he just didn’t break enough ground to be higher than #4 (maybe there isn’t that much ground left to be broke, though).

Personally, I like the 360s.

And since it wouldn’t be a good column if I didn’t post footage of Vince’s dunk over the 7′2″ guy in the Olympics…

I’m glad we didn’t have to see how that turned out if VC misjudged the guy’s height by a couple of inches (or slipped on the floor).

#3 - Julius… the Doctor… ERRRRRRRRRRRVING!!! - If there were more weight on the “groundbreaking” aspect of the ranking, he’d probably be #1 with no question. Every modern-era superstar I’ve ever heard either (1) cites him as a role model, or (2) cites someone who has cited Dr. J as a role model.

Not to mention that he has what is probably the most famous dunk of all-time (his free throw line dunk at the ABA dunk contest in Denver in 1976). Personally… I don’t like that dunk that much (and not just because Brent Barry duplicated it). There are many others of his that I enjoy more. Especially this one:

Did you notice how Michael Cooper decided to try to block it for about 1/8 of a second, then he just covered up to avoid being injured? Greatness.

The first couple of seconds of this next video has a probable NSFW (Not Safe For Work) photo on it, so cover it up if you need to. If you look at the opening picture and are completely comfortable with your coworkers looking at it… please send a job application to rumblin@gmail.com.

Holy crap. I’d forgotten just how fluid he was. If you’ve seen anyone palm the ball off the dribble like that recently, let me know. Because I haven’t.

#2 - Darryl Dawkins - First of all, I should say that I’m tempted to disown/”Fredo” anyone that disagrees with me on this one. But I’ll make my case:

1. He was groundbreaking - He shattered backboards during games, forcing the NBA to switch to the breakaway rim.

2. He was a leaper and was mobile, and had a nice career with the Sixers

3. As far as showmanship and personality… you’ve got to be kidding me. See the following.

4. His nickname was Chocolate Thunder, which in and of itself is a top-20 all-sport nickname (yet another RFS column)

5. He claimed to hail from the planet Lovetron.

6. On his home planet Lovetron, his girlfriend’s name was - and I am not making this up - Juicy Lucy.

7. He named his dunks. And when I say he named his dunks, that’s roughly analogous to saying that Shakespeare wrote some plays, F. Scott Fitzgerald liked to drink and write stories, Lebowski liked to relax, and Ron Jeremy made a career out of fornication. Dawkins’ signature dunk was his backboard-shattering jam over Dave Robinzine. He named it:

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“The Chocolate-Thunder Flyin’, Robinzine Cryin’, Teeth Shakin’, Glass Breakin’, Rump-Roastin’, Bun-Toastin’, Wham-Bam-I-Am-Jam”
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It’s killing me that I can’t find some video footage of it, but you’ve probably seen it. The name is what’s important. In addition, he had the following names for his other dunks:

The In Your Face Disgrace

The Go-rilla

The Earthquaker Shaker

The Candyslam

The Dunk You Very Much

The “Look Out Below!”

The Yo Mama (my personal favorite)

The Sexophonic Turbo Delight

The Rim Wrecker

The Greyhound Bus (in which he went coast-to-coast)

The Cover Your Head, and

The Left-Handed Spine Chiller Supreme

Enough yammering from me. Watch the video (and ignore the captions - many of the dunk names are wrong):

Bottom line - he was a leaper, charismatic, mobile, a solid player, and he energized a future generation of dunkers. Perhaps I was overly influenced by all the bling he wore during games or cowboy-elevator-shadowboxing, but I doubt it.

#1, The Greatest Dunker of All-Time, Dominique Wilkins - Period, end of story.

I’ve talked basketball with a lot of guys over the years, but Dominique is a consensus pick for the greatest dunker.

Most of what you see on SportsCenter and in the slam dunk contest is a derivative of what he did at Georgia and with the Hawks. Vince Carter is nearly a complete derivative.

He was a perennial All-Star, one of the greatest scorers in the history of the league, an NBA 50th Anniversary top-50 player, he practically invented the windmill and the double-clutch, few if any players could match his leaping ability, he was involved in one of the greatest 4th quarter mano y mano battles in the history of the league with Larry Bird, and his nickname was “The Human Highlight Film”.

The only mark against I can think of is that I had to wear Brooks Highlights basketball shoes one year - those things were HORRRRRIBLE! I hope you got paid, ‘Nique.

Notice all of the double-clutches in traffic and the all-out assaults on the rim. Outside of that, I’m not even going to make any more of a case for him being #1, because doing that would imply that a case actually needs to be made.

So… in summary…

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THE RFS TOP 5 PLUS 1 BEST DUNKERS OF ALL-TIME:

Dominique Wilkins
Darryl Dawkins
Julius Erving
Vince Carter
Shawn Kemp
plus
Michael Jordan
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Comment below or email me at rumblin@gmail.com.

As an added bonus, check out a nice compilation video that has a lot of the players mentioned above:

Let me say first off that I’m looking back at my picks and I hate them, because I’m ignoring one of the most basic facts in sports:

When picking college basketball, look for reasons to pick against the home team rather than reasons to pick for the visitor. This is based on the general consensus that college basketball has a bigger home court advantage than any other sport.

HOWEVER… as they say on the Street… “the trend is your friend” and I’ve picked several teams that are momentum plays whether they’re at home or on the road. Not to mention the pain incurred by going against your gut, then watching as your gut was right.

Plus, I haven’t done a Pickstravaganza in a while. Here it is:

(1 unit) Marquette - 2 vs. West Virginia
(3 units) James Madison + 20 @ George Mason
(3 units) Indiana - 4.5 @ Penn St
(1 unit) ‘Cuse - 3 vs. ‘Nova
(2 units) Kansas - 11 @ Iowa St
(2 units) Wiscy - 11 @ N-Wern
(2 units) UCLA - 2.5 @ USC
(4 units) So Illy - 2.5 vs. Mo State
(5 units) Texas - 9 vs. OU
(4 units) Texas Tech + 1 @ Baylor
(3 units) Illy St + 3.5 @ Drake
(3 units) Drexel + 2.5 @ Old Dominion
(1 unit) Minny + 11 @ Iowa
(4 units) Washington + 1 @ Cal
(3 units) Indy St - 3 vs. Bradley
(4 units) Washington St + 1 @ Stanford
(1 unit) Xavier - 5 @ SLU
(3 units) ‘Zaga - 4 @ Santa Clara
(1 unit) USF - 1.5 @ Loyola Marymount
(2 units) Nevada + 2.5 @ Hawaii

I liked the way Marquette looked against UConn, snapping their 31-game home court winning streak.

James Madison is getting 20 at George Mason. Even if the Patriots were a great team (which they are not), this is a huge number during a conference season. Maybe JMU totally eats it, but I’m comfortable that I’m capturing the fatter part of the probability curve with 20 points on my side.

Indiana is one of my “trend is your friend” teams. As I’ve said before, they impressed me earlier in the season and they had two convincing wins against Michigan State and Purdue this week by a combined 49 point margin. As long as Penn State is Penn State… Hoosiers in a walk on the road.

The ‘Cuse is another “trend-friend” squad. Two good wins this week against Marquette and Rutgers, and they return to the friendly confines of the Carrier Dome tonight.

Kansas… maybe my ultimate “trending” team. They are playing really well right now, and their athletic and scoring ability is just scary. They’re giving 11 on the road at Iowa State, and I probably would taken them all the way up to 17. If they even put a money line on this one I’d consider it a nearly risk-free proposition. I’m now going to move on to the next game before I start thinking about Oral Bob and DePaul.

Wisconsin is another team that’s streaking after handling Ohio State earlier in the week. Wiscy makes a statement today against N-Wern.

UCLA is just a gut feel that is in direct opposition the gut feel I have about USC. USC is a good team and could easily win this outright, but I still like Ben Howland and the Bruins with a tight spread in a road game to which their fans can easily travel.

I can’t even believe I’m picking So Illy, but it’s the ultimate gut pick. They’ve had problems with Mo State in the last few years, but I like them to take care of business at home. Missouri State is riding high, but their shooters have been fairly comfortable so far. Look for the Salukis D to smother and frustrate Blake Ahearn and Tyler Cheney.

If Kansas isn’t my ultimate trending team, then Texas is. Don’t get me wrong… it horrifies me to put that kind of certainty level on a Rick Barnes team that at random intervals appears to play to their weaknesses (shot selection) instead of strengths (size, athleticism, inside presence). But not today - UT embarrasses a really bad OU team in The Drum.

I’ve watched some Texas Tech basketball recently, and they’ve impressed me with their intensity, ball handling, and passing ability (not that you should expect anything less from Bobby Knight). I think the Red Raiders squeak one out against a Baylor team that tested the Aggies earlier in the week.

Illy State beats Drake. Two bottom feeders in the Valley, I gotta go with talent over coaching.

The Drexel Dragons get back on track against ODU after having a nice 10-game streak snapped in OT by Hofstra. Thanks to George Mason’s Final 4 run, I think the teams in the Colonial smell at-large bids in March… which is gonna make that conference a free-for-all like the Valley was last year.

I know that Minnesota is a team in shambles, but an 11 point spread between two non-contenders in the Big Ten is too much. No guarantees, but the odds are that a mediocre Iowa team has trouble covering 11 against Minny.

Washington is struggling so far in conference, but they’re a dangerous team. They have solid big men, and Pondexter can play with anyone in the country. I’m thrilled to get points with the Huskies, even though Cal is a good team.

Indy State is on a roll as well, unexpectedly hanging near the top of the Valley. I say the Trees keep it up and handle a mediocre Bradley team in Terre Haute.

Washington State looked GREAT in their win against Arizona earlier in the week, and I love getting a point with them against a team like the Cardinal.

Xavier… eh. Just a feeling since I’ve been impressed with them multiple times this year (particularly against ‘Bama). Drew Lavender is fun to watch. Xavier slays SLU.

‘Zaga has superior talent in Heytvelt, Raivio, and Pargo that Santa Clara can’t match. Throw in secret weapon and RFS all-name team Pierre-Marie Altidor-Cespedes Jingleheimer-Schmidt, and you’ve a got a double-digit win.

USF over Loyola Marymount? Sure! Wait - are you asking me or telling me?

I think Nevada is still a good enough team to take down Hawaii even if All-American and centerpiece Nick Fazekas doesn’t play because of a sprained ankle. This is definitely a gamble, but with a quality team and quality coaching I generally assume that depth is greater than the Vegas line assumes. Show me something, Wolfpack!