RumblinFumblinStumblin.com

The more you eat, the more you… pray?

Since it’s New Year’s Eve and everybody’s celebrating and otherwise whooping it up, I’ve decided to nominate the Honorable Reverend Robert Tilton as RFS’ official noisemaker.

This video is an oldie but a goodie, and it also serves as a litmus test for RFS readers.

In other words, if you do not find this amusing, you:

a) are unconscious, or

b) have a sense of humor that has developed beyond that of a 12 year old boy.

In either case, you should not be reading RFS.

Anyhoo, here’s the clip (***WARNING*** - there’s no profanity or nudity, but make sure the volume is adjusted if you’re in sensitive surroundings).

The facial expression and maniacal laugh at :30 is my favorite. Make sure you watch that one twice:

The editing/timing on that was just out-dad-gum-standing. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t have a whole lot of patience with televangelists bilking bedridden, desperate, or otherwise downtrodden people out of their money.

Bottom line - if you can watch that (especially after a couple of liquid refreshments) without chuckling, giggling, laughing, or shedding tears… this is all I have to say to you:

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RFS Reader, you’re nothing to me now. You’re not a brother, you’re not a reader, you’re not a friend. I don’t want to know you or what you do. I don’t want to see you in the Comments section, I don’t want you near my domain name. When you look at Derrich.com, I want to know a day in advance, so I won’t be there. You understand?

I know it was you, RFS Reader. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!
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Much to your relief, I will refrain from kissing RFS traitors on the mouth unless you send me a picture and a recent blood test. All applicants must pass the following:

RFS Hepatitis Test (negative)

RFS Uterus Test (positive)

RFS Chromosome Test (46’s only).

Okay, maybe there’s some wiggle room on the first and the third. But don’t test me. Especially on the third one - I don’t want 4-H coming after my arse (again).

Back to the topic at hand - there’s plenty of these videos on YouTube, so I’ll only post one more. Make sure to notice him speaking in tongues at 1:48:

So… I think I can sum it up best by paraphrasing a well-known Christmas carol:

RFS wishes you a Merry Christmas
RFS wishes you a Merry Christmas
RFS wishes you a Merry Christmas
And a

POO-BA-BA-KAN-DA!!!!

Onward and Upward,

RFS

PS - Drive safe and remember… it’s Amateur Night.

Popularity: 46% [?]

You shoulda seen him against Schulenberg

Alright. We have our first NBA discussion, thanks to loyal RFS reader and RFS Chief Basketball Commentator Dan “Chitwood” McGillicuddy. Believe me, if you saw him back in the day… you’d know where the name came from. Many a team got caught watching the paint dry while Dan dropped 35 and 10 (assists) on them.

***Random RFS Trivia*** - The actor that played Jimmy Chitwood in the movie Hoosiers was the only actor in the movie (that portrayed a Hickory High player) that did NOT play college basketball.

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In his submission, Dan writes:

“I would like to throw this out as the “greatest” starting five of all-time (that would actually function as a team is one of the key components):

PG - Earvin “Magic” Johnson
SG - Michael Jordan
SF - Larry Bird
PF - Tim Duncan
C - Bill Russell

I think you have two of the greatest passers (Magic and Bird), the greatest clutch shooters in Bird and MJ, the one-on-one ability of MJ and Duncan, and then the rebounding/blocks/hustle/winning plays of Russell.”

-RFS Chief Basketball Commentator Dan “Chitwood” McGillicuddy
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We’ll get to the argument in a second, but in the interim, enjoy the following video of Magic.

Make sure to notice the following:

-The badass threaded pass to “Big Game” James Worthy (at 1:00)

-”Around the World” (at 1:05)

-The Magic to Michael Cooper “Coop-A-Loop” (at 1:09)

-SICK wraparound (at 1:25)

-Cheesy 80s-style celebration by AC Green and Magic (at 1:47)

The main thing to note is that Magic was doing these things when it was UNTHINKABLE that a 6′8″ guard could/would/should do them. Maybe Steve Nash (or his progenitor John Stockton) have some better highlights, but the thing about Magic is that he broke the ground. I don’t watch much NBA basketball - maybe 20-30 games per year - but I still don’t see threaded passes through traffic like Magic pulled off.

Anyway, my official RFS comment is that there are 2 spots up for debate on Dan’s list (5 years ago there would have been 3).

Five years ago many people would have argued for Karl Malone at PF, but since I hate that whiny foam-front, mesh-back, spandex-wearin’, free-throw-line-mumblin, sonuva… I’ll leave it at that. Tim Duncan is the right choice - for you hoops connisseurs out there, I think you’ll agree that NOBODY has ever used the glass better than Duncan. And I’ll fully admit - since “Chitwood” and I have known each other for many years - that I didn’t expect Duncan to be one of the great ones. Dan saw him at Wake and saw a Hall-of-Famer.

On to the All-Time Team argument:

The two possibly glaring omissions are… Oscar Robertson and Wilt Chamberlain. The Big O and Wilt the Stilt didn’t win many championships, but they changed the game.

Everybody knows that Oscar was the first guy to average a triple-double. Everybody knows that Wilt was the first to average 50 points per game.

But who do you kick off?

MJ is a lock. Magic is a lock. Bird is… a lock (we’ll cover the “if he was black, he’d be just another good player” topic at another time).

That leaves me with Duncan and Russell, both of whom I respect.

Very tough.

So tough that I can only bump one. Here’s my squad:

PG- Magic Johnson
SG - Michael Jordan
SF - Larry Bird
PF - Bill Russell
C - Wilt Chamberlain

A very tough decision, but Wilt changed the game. Head to head, he DESTROYED Russell, and count me in the camp of people that believe a supporting cast IS important.

Wilt never had anybody around him. Big Russ had Hall-Of-Famers.

Furthermore, I think that Russell - while he couldn’t shoot a lick outside - would be an ideal power forward on a team-oriented squad.

And that’s just one man’s opinion. Thanks to Chitwood McGillicuddy for the submission.

And as one final treat, enjoy the video from the guy that just might be my favorite NBA player of all time. At the very least, he’s the captain of my all-time NBA Warrior Team (which we’ll cover at another time).

Even if you don’t watch the entire video, make sure you catch the dunk 37 seconds into the clip. Probably my vote for my favorite dunk ever (yet another topic), but at the very least you gotta love him rearing back and cranking on Bill “Tuuuurrrrrrrrrriiible” Walton. And keep in mind that the Round Mound was only 6′5″.

As always, comments and emails are welcome.

Peace and Chicken Grease,

RFS

Popularity: 36% [?]

Well, I couldn’t put a Homer Simpson clip on here without giving Peter Griffin equal time.

Popularity: 6% [?]

RFS will be returning with a little more content later this week (particularly since I’ve received some good email recommendations).

In the interim, enjoy the holidays - WOW WOW WOW!!!

Popularity: 6% [?]

Consider the following:

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-The 10 best-selling drugs generate revenue (or cost consumers, depending on how you look at it) of over $60 Billion per year.

-Lipitor. Nexium. Zocor. Prevacid. Many others.

-Pfizer, Merck, Sanofin-Aventis, and Bristol-Myers are the four largest drug companies. They have a combined market capitalization (shares outstanding x share price; or in plain English - the amount that the market thinks they’re worth) of $455 Billion.

-They spend billions on R&D to create new drugs for old diseases, discover new diseases, and create drugs for those new diseases.

-They spend billions more on lobbyists.

-And they definitely spend billions on advertising in the form of TV commercials and drug reps schmoozing your family doctor so that everyone knows just how badly they need Pro-Ex-Vasa-Zo-Whatever.

-Drugs to put us to sleep, drugs to keep us awake, drugs to treat the recently-discovered malady of Restless Leg Syndrome.

The Cap’n had RLS and EBP

-Yes, you read that correctly - 3 Million years of human existence, and we’re just now getting around to discovering and treating Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS if you choose to attempt to lend it additional credibility by turning it into an acronym; RFS his ownself suffers from EBP, or excessive booger production).

-But be careful if you take these drugs, because if you have (1) high blood pressure, (2) low blood pressure, (3) normal blood pressure, or (4) any of a number of other characteristics; it could result in (a) nausea, (b) vomiting, (c) stroke, (d) seizure, (e) heart attack, (f) memory loss, or (g) erections lasting longer than 4 hours.

-Simple blood tests can determine if you have liver disease. For erections lasting than longer than four hours, consult a physician.

-And just in case you met all of the requirements, have a time machine on standby just in case you took Bextra, Accutane, Celebrex, Vioxx, or any other drugs that were recalled by the FDA for causes of death, blindness, etc.
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By now you’re probably thinking my name is Tom, I have a wife named Katie, I like to dance around my house wearing only underwear and sunglasses, I’m a big fan of L. Ron Hubbard, and I think all drugs are evil.

Only one of those is true (I’m a boxers man, no briefs), and as far as I’m concerned, medication is a personal choice.

My point is this - I think you would be hard-pressed to find any drug discovered in the last 25 years, during the modern era of gigantic drug companies, that had anywhere near the positive effect on the world as the polio vaccine.

Polio crippled and killed hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people… many of them children. When asked if he planned to profit from it or patent it, Jonas Salk had the famous quote:

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“Who owns my polio vaccine? The people! Could you patent the sun?”
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I wonder what would happen today.

Popularity: 24% [?]